By Jane McNamara, Elder Law Attorney 

My mind went numb the day my father passed away.  His death was expected, and he died at his home.  Yet, even with the opportunity to say goodbye before the cancer took his life, his death was traumatic for our family.  Despite our grief, there were decisions and arrangements to be made.  Thankfully, my father pre-arranged his cemetery and mortuary needs.  This was a wonderful gift, as it lifted what would have been a tremendous burden.

Many people are not as fortunate, and must deal with the complicated details of a loved one’s death.  They often spend all night at the hospital, lose their loved one, suffer unimaginable grief and shock, and then must somehow try to think clearly as they enter the doors of a mortuary to make the final arrangements.   

There are numerous decisions to be made and documents to complete at the mortuary following a death.  According to Jeannine Roman, Family Service Counselor for the Mission Hills Catholic Mortuary, “be prepared to spend most of the day at the mortuary discussing funeral arrangements.”    Ms. Roman further explains that families are often unprepared for the myriad of legal documents required by California law. They are also unprepared for the numerous decisions regarding “merchandise” (caskets, urns, etc) and “services” (cremation, burial, funeral, etc.), and the costs associated with these choices.  Further, most Advance Health Care Directives give the named Agent the legal authority to handle the final arrangements, including disposition of remains.  Make sure this document is provided to the mortuary.  This can be critical if disagreements among family members arise (the one with legal authority controls), or when dealing with cremation verses burial.  Cremation can only be ordered by someone with proper legal authority to do so, and this authority is often set forth in the Advance Health Care Directive. 

Additionally, information must be collected for the death certificate, including the deceased’s social security number, father’s name and mother’s maiden name, their place of birth, and occupation of the deceased.  Death certificates are ordered by the mortuary, signed by the doctor, recorded with the county, and then issued.  Obituaries are prepared by the family and submitted to the newspaper by the mortuary. 

My father’s last words still ring softly in my ears even though three years have passed.  However, his last actions in choosing his funeral, cemetery, and mortuary arrangements ring loudly and fondly in my heart.